Becoming whole
by Joey Bermuda Ketail
Summary: When Severus is forced to drink an unknown potion by an unknown masked man, losing most his memories in the process, he is forced to become something he had hidden away; something no one has ever seen. He is forced to become his true self: a scared child. Hogwarts isn t what everyone thinks it is and no one seems to know anything anymore. JPSS. One-sided LMSS. SLASH SBRL
1. Kidnapped

**Becoming whole**

**Summary – When Severus is forced to drink an unknown masked man, losing his memories in the process, he is forced to become something he had hidden away, something no one has ever seen. He is forced to become his true self: a scared child. JPSS. Hints of LMSS. Rated M for a reason. Yaoi**

**James x Severus is one of my top three OTP's so I HAVE to write one. It's a must. Plus, there are not many JPSS fanfictions and I love it so much so I would have written one even if it wasn't on my top OTP's.**

* * *

Chapter 1 – Unexpected, unexplainable

It was like any other morning for one Severus Snape, a fifth year in the school Hogwarts. Waking up late was never on his agenda but it always happened whenever he was at Hogwarts. He didn't question it. He always enjoyed it and welcomed it with opened arms. If he was at home with his father, he was more than likely to wake up extra early. But putting that aside, after waking up late once again like any other day, Severus jumped out of bed. There were an odd number of people sorted into Slytherin and he was forced to bunk alone, just like at home. He didn't protest. He preferred it in all of actuality. If he were forced to change into someone else, he would be forced to answer many questions and would have to endure endless pestering.

Having no time, Severus quickly changed, again not being able to take a shower, grabbed his books and ran to his first class, Transfiguration with Professor McGonagall. It was the same as always. He had gotten rude remarks from Potter and Black had been ignored by Lily but only after getting point deducted for being late, along with the sneers and jeering from his own house from _getting _points deducted. All in all, so far so good for one class, Severus thought happily as he walked out with no scratches, glad that Potter and Black were being held back by their house perfect, Lily, and given a lecture for a prank they had pulled in the Gryffindor common room, not mentioning one thing about the last three pranks pulled on the small Slytherin the day before.

Severus walked along the long corridor that seemed endless to the Charms classroom. It was a while after that Severus realized that something was wrong. He looked at the walls; completely rid of moving paintings. For the first time in his life, Severus Snape was lost in the giant castle called Hogwarts. Never before had the Slytherin been lost and he hadn't planned to start now.

Cautiously looking around, tightening the grip on his tomes, refusing to look scared, Severus turned around and walked the direction he had come in; it was no use. Nothing had changed and the walls were still empty and lifeless, not even a statue in sight nor a door. Severus had never felt confused in his life. Sure, Hogwarts liked to play around and get lost but she usually always made sure to make a teacher or student who knows their way around Hogwarts find the lost person and lead them to safety in at least 20 minutes. Severus was sure that it had been well over an hour. 3 hours had passed and not a soul was in sight.

Finally, in some miracle, a door had come in sight. Running towards the door, but making sure not to look too desperate in case someone was watching, he wrenched opened the door. There might be a window and Severus might be able to pinpoint where he was located. Luck was not one his side unfortunately. There was no window in the old room, Severus noticed, but there was something weird about the room he was currently standing in and it made him nauseating.

The room looked like a Muggle operation room. Being raised by a Muggle himself, Severus knew exactly what they did in these types of operation rooms: Dissection. And it sure as the seven hells did smell like one. Pulling his shirt up to his nose to try and cover the disgusting smell of a certain red liquid, Severus, being interested in the room that one should _not_ find in a school, ventured in further. The weak door, with nothing holding it open, closed slowly until it full closed with a small slam.

There was an operation tale in the middle of the room and Severus was almost sure he was going to puke. There was dry blood splattered on top of it, some of it even on the floor. His eyes wide and frantic by unwilling to leave, Severus looked to the right of the room. It was roomed with various tools for operations, ones that Severus was painfully familiar with. Chains, whips, and many torture items that made Severus gasp in horror and make tears well up in his wide, scared dark eyes, knees feeling weak and falling to the hard ground painfully but Severus took no notice, only staring fearfully.

Many of the torture items/methods placed on the side of the room were ones Severus had read in a book on the Middle Ages: Impalement, Judas Cradle, Coffin Torture, The Rack, The Breast Ripper, The Pear of Anguish, The Breaking Wheel, Saw Torture, The Head Crusher, and The Knee Splitter. All were terribly painful and none of which Severus wanted to go even near. His knees, being painfully reminded of The Knee Splitter item, shakily but still movingly, held up his weight as he slowly backed away…

…Only to hit something breathing and living.

"AHHH!" Severus screamed and went to move away from the person behind him. He didn't care if he was acting cowardly. He just needed to get away from here. But the strong hands on his shoulders held him in a tight, strong grip. Severus stopped move, petrified, as he felt them tighten more so than ever, promising to break his shoulders. He trembled in his captors hands, which loosened somewhat when he stopped moving. Severus stared hyperventilating. He tried to break slowly but his body turned against him. He dropped, his legs giving up on him, his abductor letting him fall to the ground but never moving his grip on the smaller boy. Severus's arms went slack and he sat there, no feeling on his legs that he putting his weight on, feeling on the verge of insanity.

_This is not happening, that is not happening, this is not happening, this is not happening, THIS IS NOT-_

"Ahaha…."

His mind went blank as he heard a chuckle from a deep voice, sounding so young but too old to be a Hogwarts student. Forcing his body to move, Severus ripped his shoulders out of the older man's hands and fell on his butt, but all the while looking at the figure that held his a few seconds ago so painfully.

It certainly looked like a young man but not in his teens, in his early twenties most likely. But one cannot base people on how they look. The man was tall and had long, black hair in the front but cut properly in the back. He was wearing a feathery and glittery mask. It covered the top of his face and skin but certainly not the amused smirk and glowing red eyes that made Severus stop breathing. It was like You-Know-Who's eyes. Blood red only…

These were the eyes of a demon.

"Now, now," Was the amused sound coming from the man's lips, which never formed into something other than a smirk. "Breath, my dear child." Severus did as he was told, albeit, a bit painfully, but still did as he was told, too scared to go against the man's command, as he noticed he did not ask him to breath. This man had the silky voice of one who commanded, not followed. The man smirked even wider. "Good boy. See how much better you feel?" Severus knew that he was being treated like a dog but he was too frightened to retaliate; and it seemed as though the man knew that too.

"Come, come, my dear child" The man took Severus's hands, which were still limp, and pulled him up gracefully. His legs still being in shock, it did the Slytherin no good to be standing and he went to fall down again…But the man caught him. Holding him under the armpits, the man carried the smaller child over to the bloody operation table. Severus looked repelled at being set at the bloody area and felt more than ever like vomiting, but decided that it was best not to go against the man who obviously had the hold on the situation.

The man petted him on his surprisingly soft hair. "Good boy, good boy. My, it _is_ extremely rare for someone not to be crying at this moment! Now, my dear child, why don't we make you absolutely perfect, hm? Don't you agree that it would be superb for you to just be yourself, my dear child?"

Severus, after hear the inducement sentences, seemed to grab a full hold of himself. It jumped inches high before landing right back, butt connecting to the bloody table.

"No way it hell! Who the fuck are you?! Get away from me!" He tried pushing the man away, as he couldn't run, for his legs were still unmoving, but it was an inadequate attempt: the man was too strong.

Instead of getting angry like Severus though in fear the man might do, he simply smiled and grabbed the smaller boys wrist painfully, making the boy wince, but the man didn't seem to notice that he was hold the scrawny wrists too firmly. Now, my dear child, you will do as I say. I am your elder and you must respect your elders. You should know better than to go against you elders." Tears flooded the smaller boy's eyes but he refused to let them fall. He nodded ruefully and lowered his gaze. His couldn't do anything in this situation. He was helpless, like always.

It suddenly hit him hard.

_My, it is extremely rare for someone not to be crying at this moment!_

"W-wait…Y-you…You've d-done this b-before…H-haven't you…?" He was scared for the answer. He didn't want to hear it but he had to know. What was this man? What was he going to do to him? Had he done this before to someone other than him?!

The man smiled at him. "Of course, my dear child. You would not be the first, I must admit. You have got to be the strongest willed yet! Many ones older than yourself had visited me before and begged for mercy, for what, I am confused about, but that is beside the point." He smiled.

_Visited,_ though Severus in his own confusion, _He's confused and think that people had visited here? What kind of man is he? He's delusional!_

"You have visited me to become yourself, correct?" Severus looked at the man, who had yet to let go of his wrist, which were sure to leave a bruise for weeks. What did this man mean by that? He didn't want to visit this man! And he surly didn't want to become his self. He was never going to do that!

"N-no! No, I don't want that! Never had I ever wanted that! Let me go! Leave me alone!" Severus refused to give up. He would have to get out of here as quickly as possible! The man frowned and Severus stopped almost immediately. This was not good…

"Now my dear child," The man's hand suddenly let go and in a split second, hit the smaller boy's neck, to which he collapsed onto the man's chest. The man laid him gently on the bloody operation table. "That is not the way to go." He stood up fully and walked over to the left side of the room. Severus was not unconscious but was only able to move his eyes. The left side of the room, unlike the right side, was filled with potions; dozens of potions that Severus, the most well informed student in potions, was unable to identify. They were all different types of colors that were unnatural to even the most unnaturally colored potion. It scared Severus more than ever to see an unknown man who had captured him looking through potions professionally that not even Severus knew of. He was sure something was going to happen. He knew that this man was looking for a specific potion that he was going to force him to drink. And Severus could do nothing about it.

He closed his eyes. He wanted to fall asleep and get out of this reality. He didn't want to be here. He wanted to wake up and see that this was all some kind of nightmare, run all the way to class, get points deducted, be taunted by Black and Potter, be ignored by Lily, get jeered at by his own house and most of all, just be bullied by the school. He wanted all of this to end…

He was pulled out of his dying thoughts when he heard the man. He was smirking once again, Severus saw as he lazily opened his eyes. The man was holding some kind of purple potion in a small jar. He walked over to Severus.

"Now, my dear boy," He said in his silky voice. "I have found what I was looking for." He sighed, which was obviously fake. "No one had visited me in a long time. It gets lonely waiting year for someone to come along. Now, time to drink your medicine!" He smiled at the boy. Severus wanted to retaliate, he really did, but being unable to move didn't really help.

Instead of pouring it inside of his mouth, the man did something unexpected. He drank to potion himself.

But, instead of swallowing, he leaned down to the smaller boy and, placing his lips on top of Severus's parted lips, he plunged his tongue inside and opened the passageway to his throat. Severus's eyes widened in shock but he could feel himself growing sleepier and the liquid was fall inside of his body. The man stood up tall once again, smirking evilly.

"Now, I couldn't have let you refuse the medicine, now could I?" He said as he wiped his mouth with his gloved hand. The last thing Severus heard was a chuckle before he blacked out.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for reading this. I feel so evil for doing something like this to my favorite character but what has to be done has to be done. I will try and update as soon as possible. Goodbye my lovely readers. Please leave your reviews if you can.**

**By the way, visit: item_ for information on the torture methods.**


	2. Lost and Found

**Becoming Whole**

**When Severus is forced to drink an unknown potion by an unknown masked man, losing his memories in the process, he is forced to become something he had hidden away, something no one has ever seen. He is forced to become his true self: a scared child. JPSS. Hints of LMSS. Rated M for a reason. Yaoi**

**A/N: Thank you for reading this!**

**Warning: I do not own Harry Potter. I apologize ahead of time for any mistakes.**

Chapter 2 – Lost and Found

It had been two days since her old friend was missing, one Lily Evens noticed as she glanced over at the Slytherin table for the nth time to try and find her friend. Ever since their confrontation last year, she had been ignoring him but she never stopped caring for him. He was like a younger brother to her. She always wanted what was best for him but over the past two days, she saw no glimpse of the boy. It worried her and she, on the side of panics, had no idea what to do. She, when she first noticed his absence during Charms, thought he had might have gotten hurt and went to see Madam Pomfrey but she knew that he was too proud to do that so she dismissed that thought almost immediately and thought that he might have just gone to his room to attend to his wounds.

But soon, the next day, she still saw no sign of him during breakfast. She had gotten more fretful for her younger brother figure but he might had just skipped breakfast, she had thought, it wouldn't be the first. It was only during classes and lunch did she dismiss that thought too when she still didn't see him. She thought of confronting Professor McGonagall but her Gryffindor ego pushed that suggestion down, no matter how much she wanted to. Gryffindor's were NOT supposed to be worried for Slytherin's. But, this was still about her little brother and she took advantage of being a perfect and snuck into the Slytherin dorms (for all perfects were given all passwords and locations of the dorms to all houses) to check on Severus, wanting to know whether or not he was just copped up in his single room of his and simply called House Elves to bring him food but when she finally gotten to his room, she noticed that the door was unlocked, no charms on for protection. Severus never unlocked his door in case someone wanted to pull a prank on him. When she opened the door and look inside of the room, she saw that in looked as though Severus had just woken up and left in a hurry. It was getting scared.

Another day passed and she checked his room every hour, but there was no sign of Severus. It was only on the third day that she broke down completely during dinner. Her mind, being occupied of her childhood friend, was getting frantic while eating nothing since morning. James Potter was sitting across from her, trying to convince her into a date at Hogsmead and being the loud obnoxious person he always was, and she was ignoring him and pushing him out of her mind. She looked up at the Slytherin table, trying to capture on look of her childhood friend and brother figure; a normal, bored, hidden face his almost completely by his pitch black hair. There was nothing.

Tears sprung from her eyes and she let out a cry is despair. People around her looked at her in concern and confusion, mostly Potter, whom was still talking but stopped immediately when she broke down. They were all confused. The Gryffindor table was silent and soon was the whole Great Hall. They looked at her with faces full worry, confusion, and pure awkwardness. Dumbledore stood and strode hurriedly over to her, as did McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey. Dumbledore bend down to her.

"Dear child, what is wrong?" He asked gently. McGonagall placed a comforting hand on her shoulder and Madam Pomfrey was asking questions if she hurt somewhere. Lily only cried louder.

"WHERE'S MY BROTHER?!"

It was completely silent after that. Murmurs soon followed of 'She had a brother?!' and 'She's delusional!' She paid no mind and only cried louder.

"WHERE'S SEV?!"

It was only then that most people understood. They looked around, looking for the small boy. No one saw him. Lily continued, his hands in her face, her voice coming muffled but being loud enough for the concerned teachers to understand.

"I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM IN DAYS! TELL ME WHERE HE IS!" She yelled in agony. Dumbledore looked at her.

"Ms. Even's, please tell me what you know so far." He said; try all with his might to stay calm. He had not noticed his student missing and felt guilty but he had to do this professionally to find his student safely.

She told them through her sobs. They were unable to remover her from the hall filled with student because she couldn't stand properly or wait any longer to tell them. She delayed long enough; she just wanted them to find her brother. Once she was finished with her story, they set off immediately into action.

The students, all houses, and teacher searched. No one had searched the corridors alone, only in groups of six. They ventured far, all around the castles. Hogwarts had led the one lone group that consisted of Dumbledore into halls that no one was supposed to go near. Along the way, Dumbledore found out one important and forbidding fact.

Not even Hogwarts knew where Severus was.

A week passed. Lily, having pushed her melancholy away, searched along with her school, yet no one could find the small Slytherin.

.

.

James was worried. He too was looking for Severus Snape and had found no evidence. Sure, he and Sirius bullied the guy but they never wanted for him to die. They didn't want for something this bad to happen to him.

All thought about Severus was shoved out of his mind when he noticed that his group was not around him…Also that he was standing in a corridor filled with absolutely nothing. No door, no window, no stairs, no statues; nothing.

He looked around. He was about to turn back to look for his group until a noise invaded his hearing. He walked forward. There was a cry again. He broke into a full run. Who was crying? Was someone hurt?

Was it Severus?

His assumptions were correct when he saw a small figure curled up on the ground pathetically, crying and wailing. It confused him; Severus never cried nor wailed no matter what was happening. He had no emotions. He was just nothing hidden inside of human skin. No matter, he ran up to the boy.

He looked smaller than ever though James was sure that he hadn't aged a bit. James noticed that he wasn't wearing his Hogwarts uniform. The clothes, instead, looked elegant; one for the rich. It confused his even more to no end. He ignored it though and bent down to the found boy. He shouldn't be so hard to him right now; it wasn't a good time.

"Sniv-I mean, S-Severus…Come on…Let's…Let's get you back…You're scaring the shit out of everyone …especially Lily."

There was a sniffle out of the boy and something unexpected came out of the boy's mouth.

"L-Lily…?" It was a child's voice. It sounded immature and squeaky; like a five year old.

James watched as Severus finally looked up. His breath was taken away. Severus looked so…vulnerable…His face was covered in sweat, making his shiny-like black hair cling to the side of his face, forehead, and neck. His lips were parted, panting hard as though he just ran around the lake and his eyes so big and innocent, unknowing to the world around him. He looked so…so…

Erotic

And that thought scared so he quickly pushed it out of his mind. He spoke again.

"Yeah, Snape. Lily's freaking out. Where were you? Everyone's looking for you!" He almost yelled but he managed to keep his voice down on a decent level. Severus just looked at him confused. James was just about to ask why when Severus cut him off.

"Who are you…?"

He had that young voice again but that wasn't what made him freeze. Snape didn't know who he was? How couldn't he not! They were rivals since first year, how could he not know?!

Snape had memory loss.

He doesn't know what any of us are except for Lily, who he had known since they were children. He doesn't remember attending Hogwarts. He probably knows of magic since he's pampered at home, James thought. He had to get Snape back to Lily before something happened. He was basically dealing with a child so he needed to be careful.

"A-anyway," He cleared his throat. "You want to get back to Lily, right? I'm her friend. I can take you to her." He smiled at the boy on the ground. God, he hated doing this.

It seemed to brighten up the child though. He nodded happily before frowning and looking down and mumbling something. James frowned and leaned forward to hear.

"I can't stand up…"

It was said in a low voice but James had heard it and grinned. When Snape got back his memory of this, he can totally make fun of him using this.

He scooped Snape into his arms.

"Wahhh!" Snape yelled. James had to admit, it was cute when Snape yelled childishly and clung on to his, as though his life were depending on it. James sprinted of to look for the others. At the same time though, he looked down at what Snape was wearing.

It wasn't a dark green robe like he expected. Instead, it was blood red with gold lining up on the side-Gryffindor color. If Snape was standing, he was sure that he would trip every time he took a step and he wouldn't be able to hold anything since the sleeves reached way past Snape small, tiny hands. It was soft against his arms.

"What's your name?"

It was that childish voice again, full of curiosity this time. He looked up at Snape, who blinked owlishly at him. It was pretty adorable –

Stop it James.

"James. James Potter." He forced a smile. "Lily told me about you. Severus Snape, right?" He nodded ferociously but he didn't cease his questions.

"Where am I?" He asked again.

"…Hogwarts…" He said, looking back down at Snape. He should know what Hogwarts was; he parents had probably told him about it. But Snape looked confused, which confused him.

"You know, Hogwarts. A school for learning–"

"SEV!"

There were back in front of the Great Hall. He hadn't even noticed that they left the bare corridor. Children and adult immediately came surrounding around them but Snape clung ever hard onto James. James looked down at him; was Snape scared?

"Hold on! Hold on! Stop moving!" James yelled and they stopped immediately and looked at the two, except for Lily, who hadn't stopped.

"SEVERUS!" She hugged the boy in James arms. Snape smiled brightly, which shocked a lot of people; Severus Snape tended to be composed to only himself and no one else; away from other students.

"LILY!" He said childishly. Lily blinked at him, confused on this change of personality. He was acting like when they were three years old. "Guess what! Guess what!" He prompted. Lily looked at him.

"W-what is it, Sev?"

The small boy smiled even wide. Spectators watched in anticipation.

"Dad's going away for 2 month! I'm going to be all alone!"

They was total silence in the Great Hall. Lily decided to break it.

"W-what do you –Severus, tell me how old you are. Please?" She asked softly. Everyone turned to Snape, who tilted his head cutely.

"What are you talking about, Lily? I'm almost four years old!" He held out five fingers to 'prove his point'.

McGonagall gasped, as did many others. Snape finally seemed to notice them and looked at them, scared.

"W-who're they, L-Lily…?" He asked as he trembled. James looked at him with wide eyes. What Snape really that scared. Dumbledore came walking up slowly.

"Severus, do you remember who I am…?" He asked as gently as he could. Severus shook his head and buried it into James's shirt. They finally took notice of James, who shrugged. Lily had tear in her eyes. She spoke quietly.

"L-Let's get to the Headmasters office, Sev. This is the Headmaster, Professor Dumbledore. He's, um, he's going to play a, uh, game with you." Dumbledore smiled to try and not scare the boy in a teen's body as they started to walk away. All the students, ignoring the ranting on how they needed to get to their dorms from the remaining teachers, heard only some talking.

"Heeeeey, Lily, Lily? Why are you so tall? Why am I so tall? Where are we? Jamesy says we're in some place called '_Hogwarts_'. Isn't that funny Lily? Hogwarts – it make me think of a piggy with _warts_. Ewwwy! I don't like that! Lily! Lily! I'm going to be alone though! All alone! No papa! Whoops! He don't like that! Not papa, um, what did he want me to call him? But not that he's at home to…" He trailed off and soon, there was no one in the Great Hall. All was quiet.

For now.

* * *

**A/N: As you can see, I just love Uke!Severus! He's so cute~! I totally forgot that young kids don't really have to best grammar so I tried to make it like a child's but I hope you like it. Please leave a review if you can or if you want to. Sorry I haven't updated in a long time. I'll try to update soon. Bye~!**


End file.
